kiss me
School has started. A few weeks ago. I have been so busy. But not too busy to notice the same boy I had a major crush on last year! Geeze! Since this is my "sexuality" blog, I am going to rant about this in here. Problems? Get out. Here is the story from the beginning...
I "fell in love" with him last fall, when we had a class together. I've known this kid since middle school, but I had never had feelings for him before. Me having a huge crush on him is actually the reason I've let myself acknowledge that I'm bisexual. I had been attracted to guys before, but it had been purely physical, I was never interested in anything romantic with any of them. And then Him. Everything about him that I noticed aroused me, not just his amazing killer body. He is confident, well spoken, very intelligent, funny, star athlete and there is something about him that attracts people.
He is the first guy I've ever really had a crush on, and he is basically the only boy I've ever had a romantic crush on. So I fell hard. I struggled with my feelings and emotions, because for the longest time, I would not admit to myself that I liked boys too, because I didn't want to become gay. I finally accepted the fact that I like both, and liking boys doesn't make me gay. ANYWAY... I'm back in school, and I have a few classes with him. This crush never really went away. I realize that I am more in love with my fantasy "him", not the realistic "him". But that doesn't matter. He has become almost an obsession. Not that I'm going to go stalk him, but I find it very difficult to concentrate on anything when he is within peeking distance. And it's driving me crazy sometimes, because I'm not openly bi (for various reasons), and as far as I know, and as far as everyone else is concerned, he is straight. And how would I find out if he wasn't? Even if he was bicurious, he wouldn't know I was interested. This sucks.
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